In my years of practice, I've heard every reason in the book for skipping a prenup. Here are the most common ones, and why they deserve a second look.
"It's so unromantic." Planning your financial future together is a sign of commitment, not distrust. Many couples find that talking openly about money actually brings them closer.
"I don't want to start off my marriage thinking about divorce." A prenup isn't only about divorce. It sets expectations as you enter into the marriage. It can also set out what happens if one of you passes away, and it works hand in hand with your estate plans.
"I don't have much property anyway." Every married couple in California already has a "default prenup": the state's community property laws. A premarital agreement simply lets you choose your own terms. And it isn't just about what you own today. It can address future earnings, a business you may start, debts, student loans, and inheritances you haven't received yet.
"I trust them. Why do we need a prenup?" A prenup isn't about trust. It's about clarity, and a good one protects both of you.
Avoiding the conversation now can lead to much bigger conflicts down the road. Here's how to start it without the awkwardness.
How to bring it up
- Pick a calm moment. Avoid raising it in the middle of wedding planning stress or right after a disagreement.
- Frame it as "we." This is a plan you're making together, and it protects both of you.
- Lead with your own finances. Sharing your own assets, debts, and goals first makes it easier for your partner to open up.
- Talk before you draft. Don't surprise your partner with a document. Have the conversation first, then bring in the lawyers.
- Get help if you need it. A counselor, financial planner, or faith leader can help start the conversation.
Questions to ask each other
Start with everyday money
- Will we rent or buy, and whose name will be on the title?
- How will we split our monthly expenses?
- Do we want a joint account for shared expenses, separate accounts, or both?
- Is there a big difference in our incomes or separate property that we should account for?
Talk about what you want to protect
- Is either of us bringing separate property into the marriage, like an inheritance, a gift, or a home?
- Does either of us expect to receive an inheritance in the future?
- Does either of us own a business, or plan to start one?
- What are our saving habits, and what are our goals for retirement?
Consider the bigger picture
- Will one of us step back from work to raise children or support the other's career?
- Does either of us have a child from a previous relationship? What are that child's financial needs, and is there a child support order in place?
- Is this a second marriage for either of us? Are there property or spousal support orders from a prior divorce?
- Does either of us have aging parents who may need care or financial help?
- Does either of us have significant debt or student loans?
- What do we each want to happen if one of us passes away?
Start early, and know the rules
If you want a premarital agreement, these conversations should start months before the wedding. Premarital agreements are highly customizable, but California has strict requirements for them to be enforceable:
- The seven-day rule. The final agreement must be presented at least seven days before it's signed.
- Full disclosure. Each of you must fully and fairly disclose your property, debts, and income.
- Independent counsel. Each of you should have your own attorney. A waiver of spousal support generally isn't enforceable unless the person giving it up had independent legal advice.
- Child support is off the table. A premarital agreement can't limit either parent's obligation to support their children.
An agreement signed in a rush, under pressure, or without proper disclosure is much easier to challenge later. Starting early protects you both.
Ready to talk?
A premarital agreement works best when it's coordinated with each partner's estate plan, so your wishes line up whether a marriage ends in divorce or at death. Good news - we can help with both. When you're ready for an honest conversation with a lawyer, contact Meridians Estate Planning. And if you're still planning the big day, see our post on what every California couple should know about estate planning before marriage.